Washed Away

I cannot explain the breaking up of my heart, yet here again I stand upon the parapet out stretched high about the sea of tears. Spinning around in an endless whirl of disappointments and lost expectations, wondering whether it was fair, right, or wrong. The indifference of it all is sharp and pointed like a knife piercing the tender throbs of the heart. I stand here in the rain of shame with no covering to hide my face. I am cold and shiver like the north wind that chafes the unprotected cheeks and lashes harshly again and again leaving red puffy welts.

If surgery could be performed to remove my beating heart and leave me yet alive, I would have it removed and placed in a secret place to where none would every prey upon it again. I would have it locked away until the pain of this misery were forgotten. But this is foolishness. How would one learn to live through the downs of life? We cannot just run away from that which we do not wish to face, no matter the unpleasant circumstance may be. The Demons may come but they will not hold control over us lest we bid them to. Bitterness mixed with sweetness in the taste of an apprehensive goodbye stings in the aftermath of the decision made and words that were said. The flood of emotions washes over the soul. I just want to be washed away along with the tide and forgotten with the humiliating truth of being played for a fool.

 

Foolish

If I could see you again, I would ask for your forgiveness.
If I could see you again, I would pray for the strength to look you in the eye and try not to cry.
If I could see you again, I would tell you I was wrong for everything that happened and it was my stubborn pride that broke us apart.
But I would be lying to say the fault was all mine, but does it matter whose fault it really was now?
A night long ago looking up at stars high above and saying till the stars fall down…
I laugh ever so bitterly and full of regret and shame
I cover my face and weep in the night, how foolish was I to fall into such a stupid trap of words meaningless and knowing all the while this crush would not last
But hear me now if you dare, I know I brought down the stars that night and the heavens were blackened against me
I am the fiend that haunts your dreaded memories and the curse word that you spit out of your mouth
I am the vile devil that made you think you had me and then laughed in your face
I am the breaker of many hearts and the girl that sits here alone tonight remembering my faults and wishing them gone
I live with the shame of my great embarrassment while you live your life seemingly well off and in grand style
Oh, how I smile with disgust now at realizing who and what you are now as you played the part of the wounded victim
And how I fell for your dazzling smile, Your brown eyes so empty and haunting, in want of something
To be free from pain and sorrow
Searching for one to come to your rescue only to mock them once you captured them in your allure of charisma and dashing physic
Where are you today? I do not know…I almost wish to know but danger would follow soon after such a foolish fantacy
So If you are reading this right now or in the future someday…
I know the stars have fallen, the heart is broken, tears have been shed, words have been voiced and bitter resentment has grown up in the belly for my very name that brings such hated memories…
If I could see you, I would asked for your forgiveness, I know I do not have a right to ask it of you, but please forgive me for what I did and said…I never meant to hurt you
Please Forgive Me….The Fool